My son first came out to his dad and me as bisexual. How he thinks about his sexuality today might change, or it might not. Trust your son to know himself, regardless of his age.
So if you’re among them, here are a few Do’s and Don’ts I have for you on how to proceed as the parents of a happily out, gay 8-year-old.ĭO: Believe him. Some parents worry about their child being happy or having a difficult life because they’re gay. You asked for advice on how to proceed, and that’s normal! This is presumably uncharted territory for you and your husband. My son was eight years old when he told his dad and me in 1998 that he was “different from other boys.” He didn’t have the education or language that your son has to be so articulate, nor did he have LGBTQ-themed children’s books or the vast number of openly LGBTQIA celebrities in music, sports, or television that exist today. But with heightened visibility of LGBTQ people and a progressive shift in social attitudes-your own family, for example-children are feeling safe to come out at younger ages. Most people think that gay people come out as teenagers (or later), and that they couldn’t possibly know about sexuality before puberty. I don’t think you’re alone in that belief, but I’m here to tell you that he is not too young to know who he is. It sounds to me like you and/or your husband assumed your eight year old was straight, and now that he’s told you otherwise, with a good grasp of what it means to be gay, you are surprised and don’t understand how he could know that at his age. That tends to be true even when there’s someone in the family who’s gay, like his aunt. If your son is crushing, he obviously isn’t feeling any pressure to crush on a girl or think there’s something wrong with him for wanting to marry a boy someday.Įven adults who think a first crush is cute and innocent, not an indicator of the child’s sexuality, typically still default to the idea that a child is going to fall in love with and marry someone not of the same gender. Kindergarten teachers will tell you that playground weddings at recess are not uncommon, and I can even remember my son fashioning a wedding dress out of toilet paper even before he was 3. And that, too, would be perfectly natural! Experts say kids usually develop their first childhood crush at age 5 or 6. Your son’s answer about what it means to be gay also makes me wonder if maybe he has a crush on another boy.
His simple explanation of wanting to marry a boy when he grows up reflects an understanding of what the possibilities are for love, and how natural it is to be gay. In addition to teaching your son about sexuality and the variety that exists in romantic attractions, I applaud you for giving him the language to express his sensibility of love and affection. I’m hopeful you both realize how loved and safe your son must feel to share what he knows about himself with you.Īs a society we tend to assume that all kids are straight, but that is just not true.
When every parent can say their child is growing up in a home where sexuality is openly discussed, we will have moved that much closer to a society that fully accepts and respects the spectrum that exists in how we love and who we love. First off, I want to congratulate you and your husband for creating a gay-positive environment in your home.